Top 10: Safe First Date Topics

First dates are a minefield. There’s so much to think about and a lot that can potentially go wrong: you’re left agonizing about where to go, what to wear, and what to talk about when you’ve finally sitting face to face. We all know the age-old adage that you shouldn’t talk about politics or religion, but surely you can’t just sit there discussing the weather? Hit the sweet spot between boring and controversial with these top 10 safe first date topics:

1. Compliment Her Appearance

Chances are, your date has put a lot of effort into her appearance for your date. It’s not going to be a lengthy topic of discussion, but it’s polite to compliment her on how she looks. Make sure you keep it above board and non-creepy: try something like “you look lovely tonight” or “that’s a really great dress!” Pretty much everyone’s a sucker for a genuine and well-timed compliment, so start the conversation off on the right foot by landing one early.

2. Books, TV And Music

Kick off your date with the question, “So, what have you been reading/watching/listening to lately?” (Pick one, then move across to the others later!) It’s more interesting than simply asking the standard opener, “So what do you do?” (more on that later), and it allows her to delve into her favorite TV shows, artists and authors. It’s a low-stakes way to find out if you have common interests and allows you both to have some input — you might even be able to earn extra points by recommending something decent that she’s never heard of!

3. Hobbies

If your date loves ice skating, diving with sharks or baking cupcakes, this is valuable information that you want to get out of her. “What do you usually do on your weekends?” is a less stilted and quaint question than “Do you have any hobbies?” and allows for a broader response. Most people play or watch some type of sport, cook at least a few signature dishes and have a couple of creative endeavors on the go, so draw these out of her in a natural, friendly way.

4. Family

An easy starting point is to find out if she’s got any brothers and sisters. From there the conversation can lead more generally into her family background, such as where she grew up and whether her parents are still together. This is all useful stuff for determining your compatibility, but remember that you’re keeping it light at this stage, so don’t make her feel like she’s on a therapist’s couch by asking too many probing questions.

5. Work

At some point you’re going to want to discuss what your date does for a living. As previously discussed, don’t make it the first question you ask, as this risks you coming across as shallow and status-obsessed. It’s fine to ask at some point, though, and a good way to broaden out from this topic is to ask what she’d most like to be doing for a job. That way, if your date’s stuck in a soul-destroying role in accounting, you can still hear about her passion for teaching kids to finger paint — and share your own passions with her, of course.

6. Current Affairs

This one has the potential to veer into “talking about politics” territory, but if you’re careful you should be able to keep it light and breezy. Big celebrity stories and funny oddities are all fair game (“Did you hear about the octopus that escaped from its tank in New Zealand? I hear they’re as smart as toddlers...”). Glance at whatever’s trending on social media before you head out the door if you’re really stuck for ideas.

7. Travel

Travel is something most people are interested in, even if they haven’t done a lot of it yet. Start the ball rolling by asking her to name the best place that she’s been, and then the spots she’s still waiting to check off her bucket list. Your date’s approach to travel will tell you valuable information about what she’s like as a person, including whether she’s adventurous (backpacking in Costa Rica), stylish (sipping lattes in Milan) or an environmental crusader (replanting forests in Borneo).

8. Goals

At some point you are going to want to delve a little deeper and address some slightly more meaningful topics. It’s perfectly acceptable to ask your date about her medium term plans, perhaps by asking where she sees herself in five years. This is the point where you can both discuss your plans for family, career and living destinations over the next few years.

9. Dating History

While this one is potentially fraught, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask your date how long her longest relationship was or whether she’s been dating in the past year. It’s useful for you to know if she’s a serial monogamist or a commitment phobe, so try to gauge this without appearing as though you want to rifle through her entire relationship history.

10. What’s Coming Up In The Next Week

Toward the end of the date, a good way to round off the night is by asking what she has planned for the week ahead. It’s a comfortable conversation to have while you’re strolling back to her car or apartment or wherever, and if the date’s gone well, this is a clever way to factor yourself in for a second date!
 
There are no hard and fast rules to what you should talk about on first dates, but the above topics will keep the date lively without veering too far into controversial territory. Feel free to address other topics that arise naturally or that you’re curious about, but remember that the thornier stuff can wait until later, when you’re really getting to know each other.

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